We’re getting into the last few weeks… maybe even the last few days. And, by my count, only about nineteen people actually know this is going on. None of our extended family, none of our friends back home. Two of the people I work with every day… two people we’re friends with here. And the friends we have through the interweb, of course.

This secrecy has created a space for us to exist in this grief/anticipation on our own rules, pace and direction. That’s been good. Everytime there have been incursions out into the world (i.e. telling family members) it’s often a punishing, hurtful experience. But the competing feeling, of isolation, exists in tandem with the secrecy. And that’s getting to me, too.

I’m worried that we’re becoming addicted to secrecy, and the emotional protection it promises. “If we don’t let anyone know, they can’t hurt us” is the idea. But that’s a bad one. We need to be in the world, to engage with other people, to create new friendships and to resuscitate the old ones. Someday.

And, (KNOCK ON WOOD) if there’s a baby at the end of this, that little person will deserve to be shared, not hidden. But that’s going to take courage, and maybe a lot of vulnerability to the Opinions of Others.

Does anyone have any strategies for breaking out of seclusion… with or without a new baby? Am I putting the cart before the horse?

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